Day 223: Dizzy (August 11)

Over the last few days I have been reflecting a lot.  I seem to be thinking about how things have been and how they are now, how blessed we are and how being in Oklahoma feels so good.  I was remembering the way I felt when we first moved to Pennsylvania.  The first few weeks there, I literally felt dizzy.  Seriously.  I knew some of it was spiritual, but some of it was also a feeling of loneliness and not knowing my way around.  It was an overwhelming and uncomfortable time, as opposed to this move.  Our life was in a much more challenging phase, with me nursing a 9 month old and homeschooling a 2nd grader, and having 2 toddlers at home too.  Life was so so hard. I was in a constant state of exhaustion and right when we got to PA I began working for Chris.  I hadn’t worked while having kids at home before and if I’m honest, it was terrible.  It’s not like any of the other responsibilities in my life left so I could work, no I had to squeeze every bit of my day to have enough to complete the tasks.

All of that makes me so much more grateful for this time. Life feels full, but in a really good way.  I have a different pace now, and I love it.  I’m so joyful waking up here, and my surroundings are beautiful, with ponds and trees and green grass out every window.  These are the things that help me thrive.

I used to try to deny that beauty was important to my state of mind, but it is.  God placed that inside of me, and I’m sure there is a reason for it.

I love beautiful things.  I often stand in awe of the sunrise and sunset.  Large fluffy clouds are my jam.  I love staring at lakes, or ponds.  Watching geese tromp through my yard makes me grin from the inside.  It makes me feel so abundant.

If you find yourself dizzy, then ask God what it is that feeds your spirit.  What makes you feel full and abundant?

God posed these questions to me as I first lived in PA, and it took a long time for me to answer honestly, but once I finally did, He began to release those things over me.

Once I stopped feeling guilty for having “silly” needs, He began to show me that He placed them inside of me in the first place and denying them, was to deny Him.  I don’t want to deny Him.

Thank You Father for being eternally patient with me.  I adore You.

Therefore, we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  2 Corinthians 4:16

He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  Ecclesiastes 3:11