As I have mentioned before, our family is searching for a church home here in Oklahoma. It can feel so daunting and vulnerable. This last Sunday we visited a church for the second time. When we arrived, worship had begun and something just didn’t feel right in my heart. I stood, but had no song to sing. Then I walked to the bathroom, honestly, just to try to clear my head and talk to God about what in the world was bothering me. When I headed back to my seat they began to sing a song that I love and have lead many times, then I knew what was wrong. When I visit somewhere and people don’t know me or my heart, I become nervous sometimes. I don’t want to sing because I know if I worship in spirit and truth, then it will be loud and could draw attention. Unwanted attention. I don’t want people to misinterpret my worship for showboating. It’s not. Ever. It’s the purest thing I have and is so sacred to me that it’s sometimes hard to share it with those who don’t know me.
But the neatest thing occurred right after all of this. I went back to my seat and decided that I shouldn’t care where I was or how I was interpreted, and I sang. I sang with all I have within me. I sang the way I always do. My legs shook, and I realized that the fear of man was what I was battling. I stood arms stretched toward Heaven, eyes closed, fully worshiping. Then I saw a bird come land on my shoulder. No, not literally, but in a vision. I felt the delight of the Father and heard “Songbird. You are my songbird.” A huge smile spread across my face and I felt so loved.
Lord, don’t ever let me hold back an offering to you because I’m afraid of being misinterpreted. Lord, forgive me. You know my heart, and that should always be enough. It never really matters what others think, and if I remain focused in the right direction, I will keep sight of that. I long for You. You are mine, and I am Yours. In Jesus name, Amen.
I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he browses among the lilies. Song of Solomon 6:3
Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. Sing to the Lord, praise His name; proclaim His salvation day after day. Declare His glory among the nations, His marvelous deeds among the peoples. For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; He is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before Him; strength and glory are in His sanctuary. Ascribe to the Lord, all you families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name; bring an offering and come into His courts. Psalm 96:1