Day 345: A Thousand Tears (Dec 11)

Recently I listened to a podcast about a woman who works with abused and traumatized horses.  She pairs them with abused and traumatized kids and they both heal together.  I love this idea.  I am whole heartedly for any type of heart healing.  Anyway, she described a time when a horse got injured at her ranch and she had to call the vet.  During the vets visit, Holy Spirit showed the lady that the vet was needing help.  Through a couple of gentle questions, she discovered the vet was about to kill herself right when they called her to come over, but before she spoke that she said that after her asking the vet if she needed help, the vet just cried for about 45 mins.

This crying release really resonated with me and led me to this devotional…..

When I was wandering, and living a life contrary to the Christian lifestyle, I stopped crying.  For years I didn’t shed a tear.  I had allowed a callous to come over certain parts of my emotions because there was so much wounding in my heart.  I didn’t know how to deal with the wounds and I didn’t have a safe place to process, so I shut it all down to survive.  I am a survivor, and during that time apart from God, that’s what surviving in the world looked like.

Then I had an encounter with Jesus.

I was in college getting my music major, and I had gone on a trip with the choir.  I was hanging out with two people and we were chatting.  They began to talk about their hopes and dreams for a future.  They talked of marriage and the like, and suddenly, without warning, I began to cry.  Now this was not a normal couple of tears.  Seriously, without saying anything, I just began to sob.  One of the friends there was a boy and out of respect, he left the room.  The other, a dear girl friend, just began to hold me.  She didn’t ask a single question.  I don’t know how long it lasted, it felt like forever, as my soul cleaned out all the stored-up tears.  She laid on the bed and just held me as I sobbed.

It was one of the most impacting moments of my entire life.

In that moment she represented unconditional love.  I still yearn for that same affection in my friendships.  That person who doesn’t require an explanation for everything, but rather is steady enough to let me be me, while they are them and we are simply there for each other when words fail.

That night, I must have cried a thousand tears.

That was also the night that God crashed back into my life and I’ve never been the same.

Friend, do you need this moment?  Have you begun holding back tears?  Have you squashed your emotions in order to survive the trials of life?

I pray, in Jesus name, that right now He would give you the release you need.  Be blessed.  Be whole.  Be loved.

You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in Your bottle.  You have recorded each one in Your book.  Psalm 56:8