Over the last week, I have been in such turmoil. I have felt as if I’ve walked out several struggles in life past the grace allotted for me. What a terrible feeling, and to top it off, I truly have no control over these situations. These are situations in which, I can only wait, pray, hope and listen to God, but I truly have zero control over them moving forward. So, to be honest, I’ve been frustrated.
When I reached what felt like the end of the grace period, I began to question, “Has God stopped releasing His grace over this situation, or have I stopped living out the grace I’m receiving?”
The truth is, I’m worn out. I’ve been so tired that I can’t fully feel. My hope tank is nearing empty and I’m hanging onto it by a thread……When I told God this He replied, “At least you’re still holding on.” You know, it doesn’t matter how much hope we have, sometimes the point is that we refuse to give it up, and so, I remain holding onto hope with all the strength I have.
Last night, I found a tank of hope. It was in the place of worship. I always spend time at the piano worshiping, but I admit that lately I haven’t felt a lot. This too frustrated me, but last night something shifted. When I got to the place of thinking, “Why am I not hearing and feeling anything right now in worship, like I normally would?” I made an instant decision to press forward. I just began to play my own song on the keys and I sang out in simple sounds until words would come. The words came and then I returned to just the sounds. And then I knew, my worship had moved into the groanings of the Spirit.
In the same way that we are sometimes moved in prayer to simply repeat the name of Jesus or at times I’ve been so intensely battling that all I could do was moan….my worship had come to that same place of desperation. I am so desperate for God to come through for us, that I’ve prayed all the prayers and am left only with the moaning’s and groaning’s of my spirit.
I felt so much Presence in the sound of it. It was a revitalizing shift. It renewed my will to fight another day and increased my hope tank so much that this morning I woke before my alarm and couldn’t wait to come up to my office and have quiet time. Thank You God for Your faithfulness to me.
Prayer Moment: I came across this Psalm the other day and have since read it over and over again because it gives the key to it all. When we praise, then the land will yield its harvest and God will bless us. Praise is the key. Even if it’s a groaning in the Presence. Even my groans were full of praise. When you groan before God, you’re not being pathetic, you’re simply saying, “This is all I have right now and still I give it to you in praise.” Will you praise Him like this today?
May God be gracious to us and bless us and make His face shine upon us, Selah, that Your ways may be known on earth, Your salvation among all nations. May the peoples praise You, O God; may all the peoples praise You. May the nations be glad and sing for joy, for You rule the peoples justly and guide the nations of the earth. Selah. May the peoples praise You, O God; may all the peoples praise You. Then the land will yield its harvest, and God, our God, will bless us. God will bless us, and all the ends of the earth will fear Him. Psalm 67