When I first arrived in Montana, I quickly realized an unhealthy default that I have. When I enter a new environment, I often find myself apologizing for everything I do, basically, apologizing for my existence. This is a very unhealthy and honestly sad way to behave. I thought I had been healed of this behavior, but I quickly realized that dealing with certain personality types and discomfort levels will draw this response out of me.
When I went to the wedding, I didn’t know anyone but the bride, and it took me far from my comfort zone. As I realized I had entered the room as if I was a cowering dog afraid of being struck, I heard God speak to me, “Stop apologizing for being kind.” This statement shocked me, and immediately caused my eyes to open. It was true, I had done nothing to apologize for and I was in fact, constantly apologizing for simply being kind.
Once I realized what I was doing, I made quick adjustments to my thought processes and was much more comfortable and confident. Instead of assuming my mere presence annoyed others, I began to just let myself live, like everyone else, and I ultimately made a few new friends.
When we walk in insecurity, we place a barrier between us and others. People do not enjoy being shackled to an insecure person. Insecurity is the enemy of relationship.
The insecure person thinks, “Nobody likes me.”, and their actions keep others at a distance because of distrust, so they attract exactly that…distance.
Prayer Moment: Do you struggle with insecurity? Some people don’t realize they struggle with it because it manifests in a variety of ways, so take a moment and ask God to comb over your heart. If you feel there is a tangle, ask God to smooth it out. Ask Him to realign your thoughts with His. Maybe you, like me, have already prayed through insecurity, but find it rearing its ugly head under an uncommon circumstance. Don’t shame yourself over it, just deal with it. It’s far easier to immediately deal with a lie, than to stumble over shame and end up falling into a long-term pattern. It takes strength to admit your weaknesses, but even greater strength to change. I promise you, it’s worth it.
But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever. I will praise You forever for what You have done; in Your name I will hope, for Your name is good. I will praise You in the presence of Your saints. Psalm 52:8-9
You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give You thanks forever. Psalm 30:11-12
The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace. Psalm 29:11
365 Days in the Presence 