I had a conversation with someone tonight…this person knew me before I gave my life over to God. I was saved at 8 years old, but I didn’t learn how to walk with Jesus until I was much older. This old friend had seen the very dregs of my dance with the world, yet during that time she always met me with so much grace. As we reflected tonight, I realized that God placed many unlikely people as a guard around me, in that season…and they each offered me much more grace than they would normally with other people.
Only God can do that. You know why He did that? He knew how absolutely wounded my little heart was…He knew every sin I’d committed…He knew every sin committed against me…He knew why I was having so much trouble understanding Who He really was, and how my injured state made it nearly impossible for me to receive love.
I was a live and walking around gaping hole of damage and pain. Secret pain that the world didn’t know of and could care less about, for the most part…except for the few. The few who literally loved the hell out of me. They stood as sunflowers around the graveyard of my heart and kept calling me to something more. They kept speaking worth over me, when I felt absolutely bankrupt. I had zero value in my own eyes. It truly hurts my heart to say that now, but it is the truth. I saw no value in myself then.
The road to discovering my true value was long and didn’t even begin back then but took a long time to unfold…and could only be discovered after lots of heart healing. But God was there for it. In fact, He knew from the beginning how long and twisted I would make the journey, yet He is infinitely patient and unconditionally kind…
Oh, God…sometimes I stand in absolute wonder at Who You are. You love me so well.
I wonder…have You felt God’s grace? Yes, you’re probably saved…but so was I…yet I still hadn’t been able to experience it for so long.
Sometimes, people get saved and their whole life changes in an instant. Sometimes, people get saved and the process begins…who are we to judge that? You won’t find me doing so…not after what I’ve lived.
God is infinite grace. I survive on that grace. I live for it and breathe it new each morning. Why then, would I withhold it from another?
We are all in dire need of His grace.
Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, Who gave Himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to Whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the One Who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel- which is really no gospel at all. Evidently, some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse! As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let them be under God’s curse! Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:3-10
365 Days in the Presence 