In this season of my life, I’m still waiting on many things to unfold. As a married couple, Chris and I started with nothing…built a business, sold it…built another business, and when our industry was shut down, we lost it. It was a devastating blow.
We were reeling, to have lost something we’d been building for a decade. All our income vanished, and the drought lasted longer than our carefully planned savings. All our plans for the future were put on hold. Grief came crashing in like a flood. Wave after wave came, and at times, it has felt like it will never end.
This part of our story has lasted way longer than we anticipated.
Did we do something wrong to end up here? Have we failed God? Has He failed us? Were we irresponsible with the abundance we were given? What on earth is happening?
In intimate moments God has answered all those questions and more. He has been so kind.
One day when the crushing felt particularly heavy, He spoke to me, “Lisa, I am not punishing you.” Since that moment, I’ve clung to those words like a life raft out in the middle of the ocean. They have buoyed me and helped me to be able to see a pleasant future for us after all of this. Hope is a powerful thing.
As we’ve walked out these years of trials, I’ve discovered so much about God. I’ve seen parts of His heart and loving kindness that I’m sure I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. I’ve been humbled and found what is truly important in life. We’ve discovered who our true friends are and who they aren’t. And, in the end, we’ve found out what is truly important and what isn’t.
It’s been difficult. Wildly disappointing. But endlessly refining. We’ve grown and matured so much. And on this side of things, while still trying to rebuild our lives, I am grateful.
I’ve always been told to measure things by the fruit it produces. The fruit from this season has been so sweet, juicy, and abundant. Our family has been forged together in this fire of adversity. My husband and I have found a depth to our marriage that didn’t previously exist. We’ve learned much more about true commitment. We’ve been found by each other. Our kids have blossomed in ways I could never have imagined. Yes, even in the midst of our trials, I would say I am completely grateful.
But recently, God began to speak to me about one thing.
I mentioned grief at the beginning, and navigating that grief has led me to ponder the past a lot. At times, I physically ache for what once was. I have longed for a restoration so deeply that at a point it was hindering me from moving on. It was then that I heard the Lord say, “Lisa, I want you to live forward, not backward.”
Like a knife to the heart of my dreams, I knew I had to die to them again. Sometimes we die to something one time and that’s it. Other times dying to something comes in layers. This has been multi-layered…but when God spoke those words to me, I knew it was the final countdown. The last time to put those dreams to rest because change is coming.
It was time for me to believe that God has something new for us. Something far better than what was. I do believe that.
Yesterday, I heard something that really moved my heart…this lady said, “When God closes one door, He opens two.” Now, I had never heard that before, but when I did, something beautiful rose up inside of me. A cry of victory came out of my mouth, and I felt revitalized. I now, believe in this, and will speak it over my life. “Where God has closed one door in our lives, He will now open two.”
“Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for Myself that they may proclaim my praise.” Isaiah 43:18-21
365 Days in the Presence 