I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the way we communicate. Where is the line between complaining and sharing? When do we go from informing and processing to grumbling and complaining? These are difficult lines to see. I think it’s partly because they are so fine.
Are you a verbal processor? I certainly am.
One hard lesson I’ve learned over the years of navigating healthy ways to process is, it’s pretty easy to pass the point of processing and enter into wallowing, if you’re not careful.
Do you know what I mean?
This verse comes to mind:
Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. Proverbs 10:19
I’m talking about the times when we begin to confide in someone, so we can process, but take it further than we should. Those times when we move past processing, and instead, begin magnifying the problem to the extreme, or exaggerating because we’ve run out of things to say. When this happens, we move straight past any solution and into the bottomless pit of improbable possibility.
Processing as it’s intended brings me to solutions every time. It is amazing when I simply begin to talk something through, and suddenly, it’s as if a light turns on in my mind and I know exactly what to do. This process usually doesn’t even take many words. It’s as if allowing the words to begin to come out, clears my mind to a place where I can hear.
But if we’re not careful, and continue to talk just to be heard, then inevitably we fall into wallowing.
Processing is a healthy way to find an answer. Wallowing keeps you in the turmoil.
Is this hitting a nerve? It’s certainly convicting to my heart.
I can feel in my heart when I’m taking my talking to far. Can’t you?
It’s in these moments that we must lean into that often-undiscussed fruit of the Spirit…self-control. Yes, I said it. We must use self-control to stop our own words from tumbling out beyond helpfulness. It’s a learned behavior, but very necessary.
I encourage you to pay attention over the next few days. How often do you speak, just to fill the space? How often do you move from processing to exaggerating for effect? What do the people around you do? Are they complainers? Are they using restraint?
It’s important to pay attention. To take a moment and be honest about yourself and those you surround yourself with.
If you realize you are talking too much, simply repent, and ask God to lead you into change. If you notice a lot of people in your inner circle have this problem, then ask God to help you refrain from joining in. Your new found wisdom may just influence them toward a change, or God may move you away from them and into a more positive group of influence. It’ll be worth it, either way.
How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep Your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalms 19:12-14
365 Days in the Presence 