Today I had a slight disappointment happen. I mean, it wasn’t a life-or-death thing. It wasn’t even anything that would affect my life long-term, it just showed me that in a certain place, I wasn’t going to move forward in this way right now. I needed a new plan, or to simply wait.
But it’s amazing how quickly the disappointment came and sat on my chest. Largely, I guess, because I immediately began to try to act like I didn’t care. But that wasn’t honest. I did care a little…in fact, I felt a little foolish for thinking this thing might actually happen and be a huge blessing to our family. There was no reason to feel foolish, but I did.
Why?
When we are raised in an environment where we aren’t allowed to hold an opinion and/or are mocked for our opinions or told they are not good…then it can create a wall within our minds. It can create a part of us that truly struggles with hearing “no”, because it translates to, “What a dumb idea”. Shame comes and we are buried under an imaginary condemnation.
I am not that little girl anymore. I do get to have opinions and ideas, and some will be good and successful, and others won’t…but who cares?
If we are to grow in life, then we have to rub against the difficult and sometimes painful places in life and have the courage to allow God to change us. Heal us. Restore us.
You can’t grow if you hide from change and challenge. You can’t grow if you’re always playing it safe.
We must learn to dance upon disappointment.
This doesn’t mean that you’re likely to change overnight. It does mean that you learn to embrace discomfort in a variety of places.
I was uncomfortable when I even pursued this possible new source for our family, but it was worth it to me…because, what if? As the meeting came close, I began to feel insecure and wanted to cancel, but my husband encouraged me not to do so. During the meeting I felt confident…until the expectation made it clear this wasn’t for me.
It’s not a hateful act for something to not be good for our family. What’s hateful is trying to make an opportunity fit when it doesn’t.
So, I’m learning. I hope you are too. I encourage you to reach straight into the things that make you uncomfortable and find God’s hand to guide you through. I hope you learn to dance upon disappointment. You were made for more!
For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges My name. He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation. Psalm 91:11-16
365 Days in the Presence 