I’ve had a rough time processing disappointment my whole life. When I was young it was kind of framed as, well this is what’s happening…now move on. I honestly believe that people are so afraid of others being disappointed that we try to force them through it and onto the next phase of emotions, whatever that may be.
But today
I’m
Disappointed
We’ve got a whole lot going on in our lives right now. But at the epicenter there is Naomi’s graduation party and two days later Chris and I will renew our vows to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary.
You see, we eloped. I will never and have never regretted that decision. Actually, I’m really glad we did it that way. God prompted us to do so. It was obvious then and now that it was part of His special plan for us. It was a glorious day that we didn’t have to share with anyone. Our moment in time, if you will.
When we eloped, we always had the intention of renewing our vows much later. And now is that time.
It’s the perfect time actually. God has done amazing things, both in our marriage and our family. It’s become glaringly obvious that this timing and circumstance is also His plan for us.
But as with all plans, there is room for disappointment.
We are having a very small ceremony at our home. We painstakingly chose exactly who we wanted to have present for this day. I gave over a years notice to everyone so they could begin planning…but you know how life goes. Things happen and some can’t come for one reason or another.
Why can’t that be disappointing for a moment?
With each notice of not coming there comes a flood of emotions and thoughts. We all know people make time and space for that which is most important. It’s just true. So, it does cause a sting when they choose not to participate in a special moment in your life. Let’s be honest about it. This is true.
But it’s not a reason to hold onto disappointment.
When I got notice of the four disappointments I had to stop and take a moment. I let the ugly thoughts parade through my mind…I just didn’t let them stay. If I had stopped myself from even thinking them, I’d still be trying to avoid them. But having allowed them to come through and being able to weigh each one for lie or truth, allows them to move on and thereby, me to move on.
Then my husband lost his wedding ring in the river during a joyous fishing trip with just him and our boys.
Disappointment and joy in one fail swoop.
That’s hard.
That was the moment I realized how important this vow renewal truly is. When we married, we had a quarter machine ring, bought in the spur of the moment, for me. Chris had no ring. So, we renew without a ring, and it doesn’t matter.
You know what does matter?
It matters that we’ve fought so hard for our marriage. It matters that we’ve built a family unlike anything either of us had when growing up. It matters that we are more devoted to each other now than we ever have been. It matters that we’re both willing and excited to renew our vows. It matters that our kids will be there. In the end, as long as our family of six is there…that’s all that matters.
When disappointment comes knocking at your door…let what matters be the answer.
You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing Your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise You forever. Psalm 30:11-12
365 Days in the Presence 