I’ve thought about motherhood a lot lately. I’ve been reflecting on my entire journey as a mom. Considering the things I’ve done wrong and things I’ve done right. Weighing my actions over the years.
Stepping back and observing the family I’ve poured into.
This process can be painful at times. The moments where I clearly missed the mark are humbling to recount. The sins of my life are always a source of disappointment to myself. Assessing a lifetime of decisions isn’t always easy…but it’s good.
I’ve considered what matters most as a mom, and heard God question me repeatedly… “What makes motherhood successful?”
That’s a lot to think about.
Then I began to consider the drastic change in our family dynamic, these last 4 years. Pulling out of the world system and leaning into God’s heart for our entire spiritual and educational life…and I wondered…are we doing the right thing? Are the things I’m doing important? Enough? Impactful?
Then I saw a garden.
The Lord showed me that what’s mattered most over the last 4 years is the space we’ve created around our 3 children at home. The space we’ve given them to discover who they are and why they were created. We’ve created a space around them, so they can grow largely untangled by the world. Instead of dealing with daily school pressures, once they become 16, we introduce our children to work outside of the home and allow that time away from us to give them room to face some of the trials and troubles that they will see in the world.
Instead of sending them to a school for over 8 hours a day and letting strangers and their peers be their main influence, we’ve chosen to be their main influence. A conviction God placed firmly on our hearts.
Returning to the original “way”.
When the world began, home was everything. Family was the central dynamic. Being taught at home was the way. I have no desire to transfer the bulk of my children’s learning over to the state. Why would we want that?
While my kids were in school, I realized that many of the teachers didn’t even have teaching certificates. It was then that I realized I’d been dupped. Tricked into thinking I was ill equipped to teach them myself. Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m better equipped to teach them because I know them so well. I can read and learn. I was made to teach. I believe all of us are naturally teachers. I believe that’s something God places within each person, the ability to show others how to do what we do…to teach. We just have to be brave enough to press into that and grow.
The garden we’ve created for our final 3 to grow in is small but allows for much freedom and growth. We have dared to shelter our kids. In that sheltering they’ve been allowed to discover who they are, and they’ve been able to hold onto innocence while becoming wise beyond their years.
Innocent wisdom. What a wonderful combination.
I wonder…how does your garden grow?
Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until He comes and showers His righteousness on you. Hosea 10:12
365 Days in the Presence 