Chris and I have been parenting together for a long time. We began our marriage as parents, with him already having Noah and I adopting him. We’ve never known marriage to each other without children.
Sure, I’ve wondered what that might have felt like, but we will never know, and that’s just fine too. God planned it all the way He wanted it to be. Honestly, at this point, I can see that already having a child was a blessing for us. We began our marriage by establishing how we wanted to parent together. He heard me when I stated that it was very important for me to stay at home with our kids because I desired that he and I be their greatest influence, and a steadying force for them.
So, from day one that’s what we’ve done. The times when I have worked it is always from home. God has been very gracious to provide that way. When God is the One giving you the heart to stay home and raise your children, you can bet He will bring provision to you.
Our God is such a gracious and steady God. He has never failed us, even once. Never.
Now, as we are raising one young adult and three teenagers, the need for me to remain steady in the home is greater than ever. I didn’t realize it would be, but it is. Now, we are raising kids of an age where they are making a majority of their own decisions. My job is to remain an ear for their musings and complaints, a shoulder for their crying and frustrations, and a holy presence to continue to turn their hearts toward God in subtle and gentle ways.
Because we are in this later stage of parenting I realize now more than ever, something I wish I’d known before…the transition toward adulthood is going to be messy at times…that’s not always a reflection of bad parenting, it’s sometimes a sign that they are muddling their way through learning how to make their own decisions, how to manage the free will God has gifted them, establishing their own independent relationship with God and friends, this is sometimes messy. Our job in this season is to remain steady…the definition of a good parent in these seasons is our response to their growing pains.
I cannot figure out why we believe life should be perfect or we’ve failed. Perfection is the enemy of true growth. It’s actually consistently being stuck in the worship of fear of man. It’s the opposite of growing with God. Jesus alone was perfect. We will never be.
As we are in the midst of so many different parenting moments all coordinating together at once, I realize that it’s never been about perfection, it’s about process.
Are we brave enough to allow our children to make and learn from their own mistakes? Or is our own reputation the idol we’ve placed above being a good parent?
The older I get, and the more I mature with God, the more I realize that we can’t grow much until we break up with others’ opinions of us. The fear of being misunderstood cripples us from making the best choices for our own family. And guess what? Nobody really cares as much as we think they do, anyway, we’ve just decided they do.
I wonder what kind of revolution would occur if we would lay aside the parenting books and opinions of others, and instead parent with Holy Spirit?
The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely Your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23
365 Days in the Presence 