My heart has felt like a song lately. A song with words I don’t yet know. Full of thoughts that I have yet to conceive. I’ve felt a strange void in song…not a dissatisfaction with God, but a longing for a more meaningful song. An internal need to express these most deep thoughts and feelings. A way to express a deeper intimacy with God.
Like wine in a barrel for many years without being drank…aging…growing richer over time. Who knows when the right time is to finally tap the barrel and experience the beauty only time can add to flavor.
In a world of hurry and scurry, my heart, from a very young age has longed for a much different tempo. I see now, through hindsight that I was built this way. I was created to crave a different tempo from the worlds…and to introduce others to its beauty and satisfaction. God resides in this space.
The only thing is this…when you stop and reach for something deeper, you must become excruciatingly familiar with the emptiness that precedes it.
It is not easy. If it was, the reward would be less valuable…wouldn’t it?
No, I still haven’t tapped into the new song in my heart, but just like I learned to wait during childbirth…I’m learning to wait now. Waiting with focus. Waiting with intention. Waiting in hope. Waiting in faith. Waiting because in order to catch up with Holy Spirit, I know now that I must stop first.
He is in the waiting.
There is a void before the finding…I sit in that now. Nestled deep within its nest, I am waiting, as a bird in an egg awaits the moment of cracking forth into the light. I continually peck at the shell…knowing that this is not forever…but the struggle of the birth is what will bring the strength to carry the next season.
No shortcuts.
Grace forces us to develop the strength to carry the gifts God gives us. Mercy understands our impatience and plants many gifts in the hard of waiting seasons.
Come Lord Jesus, we groan in the waiting. Come and release, release upon us. You are all we need. In You is everything. The sum and total of all our life stories colliding together in the symphony of creation You have placed us within. We create as we are yet being created. We breathe as You breathe into us. We live by Your Spirit. We pursue the worthy pursuit. Come and break through, in Jesus’ name, Amen.
Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So, I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I, myself might be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
365 Days in the Presence 