I died this week…in a dream…but it was so very real that I knew it meant something significant.
Have you ever had one of those dreams that you knew was a lesson? I frequently interact with my dreams these days and in the middle of one this week, I realized God was teaching me something.
I won’t lay out the dream in its entirety, but the relevant part was this…
I was in a business that was inside a house (remember this was a dream and sometimes they’re weird) with Chris and an armed robber came in. There was a brief encounter, and he left. Then later I went back to the same room he’d been in before, to grab my purse so we could leave. Chris wasn’t with me this time; he’d already gone to the car. I looked up and the armed man was coming back into the room, holding two other men at gun point. He looked at me, smirked and said, “Get on the bed.” In that instant I knew he either planned to tie me up or rape me and I thought, I’m not doing any of that. I looked at him and said, “No. I’m going to heaven so you can’t scare me. I don’t care if I die.” Then he tossed a handgun at me and kept his other one…like a challenge to a dual. I looked at the gun to assess if the safety was off and started to raise it and aim…and he shot.
Everything went stark white. I felt something tickle down my forehead over my right eye and I knew it was blood. I knew I’d been shot in the head. I couldn’t move my body. I felt the gun fall to the ground and then I felt myself fall too. All was white and suddenly nothing mattered but God. Seriously, only God. Then as a last moment of “conscious” thought came, I felt a panic and wondered, “Did I spend enough time with Chris and my kids?”…and that was the end.
I know when God is revealing something to me. This was one such time.
In the flickering of the last moments of life, nothing at all mattered. Nothing. Except God and family.
It wasn’t about how successful, influential, well traveled, well read, well fed, or smart I’d been. It was about my husband and my children. My family and the time we’ve spent together. Hoping I’d poured into them all I could and made memories that would last their lifetime. Making sure they knew I loved them. Leaving my positive imprint on their lives.
This is what matters…dying showed me that.
What a unique gift it was to see what life means.
Suddenly, as I wrote those words, I realized that the dream was actually an answered prayer. I have been praying and asking God what is truly meaningful in life. I’ve spent a lot of time asking Him to show me how to best spend the time on earth that He’s gifted to me.
Wow, He is amazing. He took me to death to show me how to live.
Thank You, God. You are so faithful and compassionate with me. I will never take You for granted. You are my King. You are my everything.
On another note: Remember how I mentioned everything going white in the dream?
I’ve been in that white place before during prayer and worship. A few times actually. It’s a place that is heavenly. Near to God. I can’t explain it, but I know that place well. Immediately, when seeing that specific whiteness, I knew that I was about to meet God. How wonderful is that?!
Today, I encourage you to ask God the same question that I had been asking. What is most important in life? What would make my life successful? How to I spend the years I have wisely?
Once He answers it’ll be your turn to decide if it’s worth it to you or not. Will you choose to abandon earthly concepts of value to pursue His, or not? Will you live according to your perception of value or His?
It’s truly that simple.
If you love your father and mother more than you love Me, you are not worthy of being Mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than Me, you are not worthy of being Mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow Me, you are not worthy of being Mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for Me, you will find it. Matthew 10:37-39
365 Days in the Presence 