As I was talking to Jesus this morning, I was remembering the dream I’d had of dying. In the flickering last moments when I knew I was going to see God, I remembered my family. When I saw my family, I felt immediate worry that I’d not done enough for them yet…and I heard the word “selfish”. It seemed strange at the time, but today I saw that God was showing me that even though it’s good that I want to be in heaven, it’s not time yet and I can’t be selfish about it. I have a purpose here on earth and a reason to be alive, so I can’t be selfish and only focused on getting to heaven. I have to live. Truly live.
I heard Him saying, “I want more than warm bodies. I want you to interact with your life and those around you. I want you to be present in the life I’ve given you.”
He’s convicting my heart in new places, as of late. Showing me some of the deeper things He is ready to dig out…but before they can be dug up, I must know they are there.
One area is this…I’ve noticed that I’m deeply skilled in being able to detach. Meaning, I can remove my emotions from a situation and sit in neutral while I wait for things to become, what I feel, is safe again. Learned behaviors from childhood are so fascinating to me.
As a child things were often volatile in our home and to cope this is what I would do. Find a neutral space in my mind and basically leave the situation without physically leaving, because I wasn’t allowed to physically leave. Every one of us finds a way to escape bad things, we all just use different methods. Better to simply face this and grow, rather than remain in dysfunctional adult behavior.
While this neutral state I learned as a child has had some benefit, in that I’m good in intense situations because I can be calm, it’s not good when I use it to simply not deal with something I don’t like.
Many things we view as a problem are actually something that God can use if it’s directed properly.
Like my ability to remain calm. That’s a very good thing. It’s helped me in many situations, whether at home with my kids or in public when something intense happens. What I thought was just a coping mechanism was actually a God given ability to hold onto peace. Therefore, it makes me very resilient.
One of my children has an extremely stubborn streak and while the world sees it as a hindrance, I have always known that God put in inside that child and is waiting for them to surrender it to Him. I so look forward to that day. It will be a mighty weapon of God!
Do you have any characteristics like this?
Things that the world may use to label you mentally challenged in some way, but they’re actually just God given characteristics that haven’t been surrendered to God for His use?
Today I challenge you to search out your heart in this way. Ask God if you are hiding a Godly gifting under a worldly label. If you are, then ask Him to cultivate it within you and direct it in the proper way. You won’t regret it.
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24
365 Days in the Presence 