How much do you allow perception to throttle who you are? How much do you allow it to throttle who you were created to be?
I realized this weekend that I have allowed my concern over people’s perception of me, within church specifically, to throttle who God made me to be.
I’ll be honest…I have a lot of thoughts on this subject, but I am feeling so convicted by Holy Spirit to shut up. So, I’m laying my thoughts and opinions aside and I’ll take a different route with this topic.
Do you hold yourself back from the Lord because you’re afraid of what others will say or think or accuse you of being motivated by?
Basically, I’m asking…are you letting the fear of man reign in your life instead of the fear of the Lord?
I know I’ve touched on this before, but I was so deeply provoked in this area over the weekend that I cannot move forward without allowing God to speak to it again.
Sometimes we don’t realize our true motives until we put ourselves in an environment that we’re not accustomed to…like visiting a church.
It was in this setting that I discovered I’ve grown a lot, but also saw more clearly what’s been holding me back.
I am a worshiper.
When I meet with God, He consistently shows me that He created me to be one who ministers at His feet. One who worships and leads others to worship. I can’t escape it. It’s in my DNA. Denying it is like denying that I am a woman…it’s undeniable.
I see what is happening in worship culture all around the world. So many worship leaders have fallen astray in major ways. It’s shocking and saddening…but for me, it’s caused me to become so afraid of myself that I’m constantly holding back.
Scripture tells us that our hearts are deceptive. That’s one reason I’m constantly reaching out to the Lord and asking Him to guard me, especially when it comes to worship.
Satan was a worshiper…who fell to his own pride and was cast out of heaven.
That’s a terrifying thought. I don’t ever want to become so deceived. I face worship and leading worship with fear and trembling.
It’s all very sobering.
I’m allowing you to witness my wrestling for a reason. The reason is that I believe we all have something we wrestle with…and it doesn’t help to pretend it doesn’t exist.
When I worshiped at a church I visited this Sunday, I became embarrassed because I desperately wanted to worship in spirit and truth, but I knew when I did that others would notice because I have a loud singing voice. It just is what it is. If I’m truly worshiping, it is most often loud. Not because I’m showing off, but because that’s how I worship all the time. I feel worship in my entire body. I sing from my toes and stretch toward heaven as if my body is bursting and I just need to release the sound.
Worship.
The sound He created me to make, yet I become embarrassed when it draws the attention of others.
As I wrestled with this on Sunday, God said, “Lisa, do I make beautiful flowers so nobody will notice them? No, I want people to see and admire their beauty. In this same way I gave you the voice you have and sometimes people will notice. That’s not a problem. That’s Me sharing the beauty I’ve put inside of you. Can you trust Me in this?”
I stood, with my eyes still closed and worship still dripping from my lips and tears forming in my eyes…and I said, “Yes.”
My question for you today is this…will you trust God with your gifts as well?
As far as the gospel is concerned, they are enemies for your sake; but as far as election is concerned, they are loved on account of the patriarchs, for God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. Romans 11:28-29
365 Days in the Presence 