For years I was so numb. 

When you become numb as a child, you really don’t even know it.  When it’s been your reality for as long as you can remember, then how do you even stop being numb?

Suddenly, when I came to the age of awareness, in my mid-twenties, I realized I had been numb my whole life.

When I say age of awareness…I mean the moment when you brain develops the ability to see and understand cause and affect…the time when you become much more responsible in your actions because you see how you affect others and how they affect you.  It’s the time when the reasoning part of your brain finally begins to work…much to the relief of all the adults around you.

The age of awareness is an interesting thing and something that I often wonder about.  Why did God create our brains to develop this way?  Especially when in days past people were married so much younger than now.  They usually married years before that awareness came. 

I wonder if it wasn’t so men would be willing warriors in their youth, and already being established as such, when they grew older simply become more intentional and clear-headed warriors to lead the next group of young men. 

I wonder if women also were made this way so they’d fall in love and marry those young warriors and be blissful and happy homemakers in their youth…and become wise and patient mothers as that part of the brain developed. 

Maybe it was for good reason. 

Then we, in our own reasoning, reasoned ourselves out of it…thinking ourselves wiser than God.

I believe there’s a reason God seemingly encourages youthful marriage.  It’s far easier to become one with someone when you haven’t been one with yourself for too long. 

It was within the safety and confines of marriage that I felt free to allow myself to bring my numbness to God and ask for feeling to be restored. 

I want to feel.  I don’t want to avoid any of it.  If God gave us feelings, then we should learn to manage them well, don’t you think? 

Maybe if we encouraged being responsible with our feelings, then the enemy wouldn’t have been able to hijack that and make it something so petty, perverse, and disgusting.  He wouldn’t have been able to create a handicap generation.  Handicap because suddenly feelings are god.

It was never meant to be so.

Feelings are indicators.  They should point us to God.  They show us something needs an adjustment, and we must take responsibility of our own feelings, not force others to cater to them.  Such nonsense.

What if we start a revolution? 

What if we become people who learn to manage our own feelings by taking them to God and allowing Him to use them as a catalyst for growth and maturity in our own lives.  Then living by example, lead others toward this same process…

What if?

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.  Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.  You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.  But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.  Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.  Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.  Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful.  Colossians 3:5-15

I feel the Presence of God falling over, as the dew falls on the morning grass.  No one knows from whence it came…but faithfully each day it adorns the blades.  The sounds of the earth awaken my ears to His voice.  The birds chirping, crickets and frogs and the like rustling about to and fro.  The wonder of nature turns my heart toward the Creator.  A single glance at the sky brings an awe and wonder that cannot be found elsewhere. 

The heavens declare the glory of God.  It will always be so.  The reason the enemy is attempting to affect the skies.  God’s glory won’t be erased.  It will remain.

The earth and its sounds are such a beautiful symphony…I can only imagine the sounds in heaven.  My ears perk up in anticipation.  My heart stirs with the knowledge of heavenly choruses and the elders around the throne. 

Oh, come let us adore Him!!

One and all eager to praise our Creator.  What a glorious and wonderful day that will be.

Oh, that the earth would begin to rise in songs and sighs that echo the eternal song of heaven!  Oh, that the birds on earth would synchronize their wings with the angels around.  Come, let all the earth erupt in praise to the King!!

He alone is worthy.  This Unrivaled One Captures the hearts of men and commands the praise of angels.  Isn’t He wonderful!

No one and nothing is even a match for Him…a word from His mouth creates.  A sigh from Him lays foundations low.  A glance from His eye can see through any walls and into the hardest heart.  He makes the hard, soft and the heavy, light and the wicked, wise. 

He brings the change we want to see.

As the dew falls, I lean into the His voice.  I hear.  I see.  I feel.  I know what is real.  His love envelops me, and I am now ready to face the day.  Never alone.  Always seen.  Fully known.

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!  It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron’s beard, down on the collar of his robe.  It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion.  For there the Lord bestows His blessing, even life forevermore.  Psalm 133

No amount of wanting can change what never changes.  Immoveable. 

The fetters of time hold on in hope of the glory to come.  All of creation awaits the glory of the Lord.  Even the rocks.  All of creation will respond to this glory…even mountains will bow.  All, the whole of creation, will praise God.

Nothing can stop the inevitable end of all. 

A new beginning will come, and all will know Who reigns. 

Delusion will end as Jesus rides onto the scene. 

White horse.

Name tattooed on his thigh.

Who is this King of Glory?

The Lord strong and mighty to save. 

I see the great book.  As it opens, I hear moaning and groaning across the earth, as those who denied their entry, receive their reward…begin their great suffering.  I hear shouts of praise and glory as those who are found within its pages are welcomed into glory…receiving our reward of suffering. 

Oh, thank God that my name is written in the blood of Jesus.  There is nothing more important.  Nothing more sacred. 

Suddenly the pit opens and snatches its new wards.  Shrieking and wailing they are removed forever. 

Oh Lord, have mercy!  Mercy!  Mercy!  Let all hearts be turned before the coming day.  Let us all become collectors of the lost lambs, leading them to the Good Shepherd’s field. 

We must remember.  We must remember the end, to walk out the now.  Remember what’s coming.  Prepare in the now. 

The King is coming!  The Lord Almighty!

Who is this King of Glory!!

Let all who know Him enter in.

The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for He founded it on the seas and established it on the waters.  Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?  Who may stand in His holy place?  The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god.  They will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God their Savior.  Such is the generation of those who seek Him, who seek Your face, God of Jacob.  Lift up your heads, you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.  Who is this King of glory?  The Lord strong and mighty, the Lord mighty in battle.  Lift up your heads, you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.  Who is He, this King of glory?  The Lord Almighty- He is the King of glory.  Psalm 24

I come to You, my Father, with my heart in my hands.  I stretch them toward You, and I hide nothing.  I am laid bare before You.  Our intimacy is complete and lacking nothing.  I never hide.  Even when I wrestle with sin, I stand bare before You.  I will never hide.  I would rather die than hide from You.  I want to be known.  I want to know.  I need Your gaze to continually wash over me and reveal to me my hidden sins.  I need Your comforting gaze to pull over me like a blanket and cover me from the world and all my enemies.  Sheltered only by Your gaze, I have never felt safer. 

I couldn’t know what love was until I found this laid bare place with You.  When You invited me to disrobe my heart, my mind, my soul before You it was not scary at all.  It felt like there had never been anything more right.  How is it that Your gaze feels so intense and holy, but still safe?

I step toward You letting my feet move firmly upon the waters of the sea of forgiveness.  I am solid upon the waters.  I am free.  I am known.  I know You. 

Trust.

You have established trust within my heart.  A trust that weathers the sands of time.  It never grows weary or diminishes, only increases in the hourglass of my time on earth.

I am loved.

I know this for sure and for certain.  I never wonder.  I never fear losing it.  I know what it is now.  This real love.  Even typing the words “real love”, I saw blood pouring over them, just now.  That is real love…that Jesus died for me.  Oh, my heart, how can I withstand the beauty of that sacrifice?

I will meet that sacrifice with total abandon.  Total acceptance of the greatest gift ever given. 

I will meet that sacrificial gift with the gift of trust, and I will live life as faithfully as I can.  Repenting when I fail.  Getting up if I fall.  Walking when I can’t run.  Crawling when I can’t walk.  Praising if I can’t move at all.  Nothing can stop my heart toward You.  Nothing and no one.  Not heaven or hell can stand between me and You.  Nothing in all creation can separate us.  Nothing.

This is where peace is found.  This is my stake in the ground.

I will forever remember the moment You saved me.  Thank you is hardly enough, so I will instead give You my life in return for Yours. 

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:37-39

I was reading another Proverb and wondered…how do you drive out the mocker?

Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.  One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a friend.  Proverbs 22:10-11

I see more mockers every day.  Those who don’t know Jesus and don’t want to.  Those who were raised to believe in the great lie.  Those who are being trained up in satanic practices and not godliness.

Then it hit me, we drive out mockers with Truth.  There is no law against the Truth.  Nothing can stand against it.  If we are confident in the Truth, and refuse to compromise for the lie, then the lie will fall away, and the Truth will remain. 

It’s really that simple.

When I’ve watched different public personalities come out with Truth, then be bombarded with intimidation and lies, I always think, “Don’t give in…Because if you do, they’ll eat you alive.  Stay strong with the Truth.  Never give in.”

Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t…but when they waver, they are always destroyed.  I’ve observed this time and time again. 

The mocker can’t stand up against a solid Truth.  An unwavering Truth. 

Read part of that verse again…

Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.  (vs. 10)

We are in the midst of so much strife.  There is a lot of fighting and insults…except it’s mostly one sided…the side that is standing on lies.  It’s interesting to watch the side of Truth react with kindness and generosity toward those stuck in lies, while the liars seem to have gnashing teeth toward those who live Truth.

Not your “truth” and my “truth” …THE Truth.  The truth doesn’t have versions…it just is. 

It’s time to stop apologizing for believing what is True, and it’s time to simply walk in the Truth no matter what anyone else says or argues.  No matter how much you feel sorry for someone.  We can’t afford to let our emotions cause us to capitulate to a lie.  That’s not love. 

Love rejoices in the Truth.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  1 Corinthians 13:6

Every day in all streams of media, in politics, in our cities, our schools, etc. we see many injustices.  So many that it may seem like justice is completely lost. 

Lies are the new normal.  Deception seems to be the new political strategy, of the left, especially.  It’s become so extreme that many are leaving that party.  We are quickly being sorted into groups of those who value truth and at least some morality, and those who have fully embraced satanic practices, including abortion, gender lies, hatred of America, etc. 

It’s a lot.

I often wonder how we will make it through this, as a country and as individual families. 

Do you ever wonder why those in positions of stolen or coerced authority seem to be unable to communicate without a tele-prompter? 

The eyes of the Lord keep watch over knowledge, but He frustrates the words of the unfaithful.  Proverbs 22:12

The father of lies cannot tell the truth…the Father of Truth watches over knowledge.  What a comfort.

Something to think about, isn’t it?

If you’re seeing a person who cannot communicate well, then it may be wise to ask God if they are part of the unfaithful and unjust.

The fruit of the unjust is also evident when you read scripture…calamity.  Where have you seen that a lot lately?  In government it’s been on full display, but it’s also woven into our entire education system…as well as our medical systems.  It’s unjust to force families to follow medical advice they disagree with.  It’s unjust to force lies masquerading as education.  It’s unjust to force one political agenda against the will of the people…

Americas greatest asset is being usurped…we the people.  Not we the corporations.  Not we the one world government.

We are supposed to be a government run by the people and for the people. 

Whoever sows injustice reaps calamity, and the rod they wield in fury will be broken.  Proverbs 22:8

This scripture brings great promise.  Great hope.  Great comfort. 

The rod of the unjust will be broken. 

One consistent thing I notice in scripture is the brevity of the wicked. 

They will be cut off. 

They will not endure.

Rest on this wonderful truth. 

I listened to an interview the other day.  It was Tucker Carlson interviewing Rob Schneider.  I didn’t know what to expect in this interview but was immediately humbled and surprised. 

Tucker began the interview by diving right into the most difficult topic…apparently, Rob’s oldest daughter had publicly shamed him recently.  I had no idea until this interview, but she’d openly rebuffed him, so Tucker gave him a chance to speak to that…and here is what impressed me so much.

He apologized to her for anything he’d done to hurt her and said he loves her.  When Tucker pressed him about how it felt to be raked through the coals in this public way, and how he stayed calm in the midst of that, he just again apologized for anything he’s done wrong and said he loves her.  He said, “My heart will always be her home.  No matter what, she’s always welcome home.”

What a beautiful perspective.  I hope that all parents would feel this way.  I know many don’t…but as I grow and mature in this road of raising kids, I see that so much of what we do is like this.  We raise our kids and show them Who Jesus is, but they must each choose the Christian walk…and we have no say in how that happens or how long it takes. 

A child who walks through extra struggles along the way isn’t necessarily a marker of “bad parenting” …although I used to think it was.  The older I become and the more I observe others and my own kids, I see that a marker of good parenting is how you walk out whatever choices your kids make along the way.

There are some things that only God can do.  There are parts of me that only God can change, so why would my husband and kids be any different?

I have spent a large amount of time reflecting on parents I grew up around and families that I deemed successful and unsuccessful, as a kid…and what I’ve seen is that I largely had it wrong.

There was one family in particular that I believed had the best family.  Their kids all towed the line and everything seemed so perfect, but what I see now is that there was very little room for growing and adventure within their family unit because there was a status quo that was required to be followed.

This status quo eliminated the very thing that I thrive under…freedom to think on my own and create and take chances learning something new. 

So, the appearance of perfection was actually the absence of freedom.

I’d rather have freedom.  I found freedom.  I don’t even know how it happened except I wandered so long on my own road that when I fell flat on my face, I looked up and freedom was standing right over me.  Jesus.  I met Him and learned to recognize His voice…and He transformed the rebellion of my youth into a willingness to hear Him differently than others.  He transformed my willfulness into a willingness to explore His Spirit and lead others into deeper places of worship. 

It’s wonderful when He takes our brokenness and makes it our freedom, isn’t it?!

So, in an effort to never forget where and from what I’ve come, I remain open hearted to my kids as they work out their own salvation and relationship with Jesus…I carry no shame…I carry the banner of victory.

I know my Father, and He is really good.

I thank my God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He Who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  Philippians 1:3-6

The longer I’m alive… The longer I’m a daughter, a wife, a mother, a friend, a teacher, etc.…the more I realize that it doesn’t matter how right I am…or think I am.  It doesn’t matter if people know I’m right.  It doesn’t matter if I tell people how right I am. 

What matters is Christ. 

And the need to be “right” all the time is pride and is a heavy burden to carry.  Enormous. This insatiable need to be right is something darker than we want to admit…it’s an effort to stand in as Jesus. 

Yep.  That’s why it’s so offensive when you come across it.  Someone trying to be the Savior…who isn’t Jesus, is an abomination. 

People who must always be right are insufferable.  If you can’t know something, and keep it to yourself, when necessary, then you being right is a waste.  A point of pride, not helpfulness.  It’s left wisdom behind so you can feel better about being so right.

Have you met people who are determined to make sure you know exactly how much they know?  The kind who always have to guide and direct you because they know better than anyone else on earth and are virtually unwilling to let others learn from their own mistakes?

When people act this way, not only do they retard

 growth in others, but it’s such a burden to those around them.

We’ve all been guilty of this at some time…so I think we all need a reminder.

Today I encourage you to read and pray over the following scriptures…Go humbly before the Lord and let Him pour His grace over your heart.

Humility is the fear of the Lord; its wages are riches and honor and life.  Proverbs 22:4

For though the Lord is high, He regards the lowly, but the haughty He knows from afar.  Psalm 138:6

One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.  Proverbs 29:23

Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.  Matthew 23:12

But He gives us more grace.  That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”  James 4:6

As I sat in my chair and talked to Jesus, I suddenly saw and heard, “Come sit in My lap for a while.”  I saw His lap and saw myself climbing into it and a peaceful wave went through my body.  A feeling of relaxing into peace.

I saw His lap represented as His hands this time.  That may sound strange…but what I needed to know was, “Do you have this all under control?”  Then as I climbed into His lap, it became His hands, and I remembered the song… “He’s got the whole world in His hands” …and tears of relief filled my eyes.

I relaxed further.

Friends, He is always near.  Always willing.  Always welcoming.  Never failing. 

You really can turn to Him at any moment and receive peace.

As I sit in the lap of His hands, I see another hand come and cup my chin and hold my face looking straight at Him.  In His eyes I always find peace.  When we stay focused on His eyes, we will not succumb to the waves of life.  His eyes give us courage.  Love.  Acceptance.  Freedom.  Faith.

How can we lose faith if our eyes are looking into His?  It’s impossible.

Here’s the thing.

We choose whether to be at peace or not.  We choose whether we will trust Him or not.  We choose whether we stay focused on Him or not.  We choose whether we walk in fear or faith.  We choose.

It’s a choice.

Don’t ever pretend it isn’t.  God is not a liar.  If He said it, it’s true.  He is faithful.

I guess my question to you today is this, whose eyes are you focused on?  God’s or the enemy’s?

When we walk in fear and distrust, then we’ve locked eyes with death.  Life without God is impossible, if you ask me.  I honestly don’t know how people do it. 

I choose Him.  I hope you will too.

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.  When the disciples saw Him walking on the lake, they were terrified, “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.  But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage!  It is I.  Don’t be afraid.”  “Lord, if it’s You,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to You on the water.” “Come,” He said.  Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”  Immediately, Jesus reached out His hand and caught him.  “You of little faith,” He said, “why did you doubt?”  And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.  Matthew 14:25-32

I’ve heard the story of the prodigal son my whole life.  Countless pastors, Sunday school teachers, etc. have told this story to me.  The focus is almost always on the son.  But today I want to focus on the father.

The father willingly gave his son an early inheritance.  Then without argument allowed that son to walk away and squander what was given.  Are you listening?

He didn’t argue with the son.  He didn’t tell him about every bad thing that could happen as a result of his decision.  He also didn’t stomp and scream and say, “Why are you doing this to me?!”  There wasn’t any manipulation.  There wasn’t any coercing.  Just a willingness to allow God to move in it all.

The single greatest issue that I have observed in parenting, whether from myself or others, is us getting in the way of what Holy Spirit is trying to do.

We are each a story.  God wrote this story before each of us was even born.  He knew us before we existed.  This tells me that if I want to see His glory revealed in my life and in the lives around me, then I need to stay out of the way.  The more I intervene, the more I slap Holy Spirit’s hand away.  I won’t do that. 

I am currently working on creating a new class on motherhood, and it has provoked so much honesty about how I mother, but also a great deal of awe at the way God works.  I see now that so many parents parent with themselves in mind, first and foremost.  How will this affect me?  What will others think of me?

What a disservice this is to our children.

When we rear our children shouldn’t our thought be, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done.”?

I believe it should. 

Chris and I have grown to a place of realizing that as we surrender to God in our own lives, in our marriage and with our kids…we can trust things to work together.  We can trust the process. 

Do you?

Do you trust the Lord enough to allow your prodigal to walk away? 

We only make things worse and more delayed when we keep making it about us, as parents.  It’s always and forever going to be about Jesus winning our children’s hearts.  He is able.  He is willing.  He is faithful.  Remember this verse…

Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6

We can trust the Lord to bring things around.  Now back to the prodigal story…

This story is beautiful because the father was always looking for the son to return.  He trusted.  He knew. 

When the son returned there was only rejoicing.  What a beautiful reflection of the way Christ receives us upon salvation.  I am in love with the way God reflects Himself in all our earthly relationships and struggles.  He truly is magnificent.

“So, he got up and went to his father.  But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.  The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.  I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’  But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick!  Bring the best robe and put it on him.  Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it.  Let’s have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’  So, they began to celebrate.”  Luke 15:20-24