Sometimes, forgiveness looks like letting go.
During a season of deep healing that I walked through, God used an altar call at a church I visited while in Arkansas to work on one of the deepest wounds I carried. My value, or lack thereof. I was treated with such kindness at this church, and the welcome I felt there was honestly, second to none. I’ve visited lots of churches and you never know if anyone will speak to you or not, so I was pleasantly surprised to be embraced right from the start. The worship was fun, and I enjoyed being able to sing my heart out. A church member was asked to share a recent vision she had and then she gave her interpretation. It was then I saw the true beauty and benefit of different perspectives. When she described what she saw, I interpreted it a more ominous way, but as she spoke, her interpretation was so positive and encouraging. It moved me so much, I began to re-visit several vision’s I had received in previous years to examine them and ask God if I had also mis-interpreted them. I realized at that point in my life, saw God as quite the disciplinarian. The sermon began, and I really loved it. The pastor spoke with true anointing and when the altar call began I was compelled to go forward. So did about 20 others. We were lined up at the front and the pastor went down the row and spoke prophetically over each one, praying for them along with 2 others who stood near to “catch” the ones who were slain in the Spirit. I was probably number 8 or 9 in line, and I sensed this would be far more intense than I had imagined. The Lord said to me, “Get on your knees.” So, even though everyone else was standing, I obeyed. I began really pressing into the Lord and focusing on the reason I had come to the altar. When the Pastor made it to me, he bent down and began to say, “Someone stole your innocence when you were young, and you feel like you have no value.” Like an arrow sent straight from Heaven, his true words pierced through my heart. I simply nodded and cried quietly. He said a few other things and then he stood and said, “I believe that as a prophetic declaration, you are ready to move on from this, you need to take my hand and stand up. Now, only stand when you’re ready. We will wait.” I sat there kneeling and telling God, “I will not stand unless it really means something.” Everyone was silent. No impatience was felt. Everyone was watching to see what God would do. I wrestled through a few things with the Lord and took my time. Finally, I took the Pastor’s hand and stood. The whole room erupted in cheers! Everyone rejoicing that me, a stranger, was finding freedom in Jesus. The Pastor prayed over me and I fell to the ground. When I got up and headed back to my seat, I had a vision of myself holding a red balloon and as I walked, I let it go and felt such a release and such freedom. This was a true milestone moment in my life and walk with Jesus. For that church and it’s body I will be eternally grateful.
I bring this story up for many different reasons. Number one, I cannot get the memory of it and that red balloon out of my head. But also, because I want to stress the true blessings of being completely open to however God chooses to bring healing to your heart, lest you miss a golden opportunity. I could have chosen to remain glued to my seat because I was a stranger in that place. I could have refused to let my heart be moved by a Pastor I didn’t know at all. But because I trust God, I knew I could trust when I felt His Spirit move and all I wanted to do was participate in whatever it was He was doing.
It doesn’t matter where you are. Or who you know. You know God. Do you trust Him? He will work out the matters of your heart when you stay in a position of surrender and openness to letting Him move. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been leading worship and have felt His Spirit move over the body and even over specific people, only to watch them resist for one reason or another. It’s so deeply saddening to watch anyone resist God’s hand moving in their life. I don’t care who is preaching, or leading worship, God can and does speak to me because in those moments, it’s not about anyone else but me and Him.
Will you walk in total surrender? Will you die to pride and let God lead you to the altar? I challenge you to pay attention to the moving of His Spirit and right now to commit to following that lead next time it comes. It’s a decision you can make right now. Today.
God, I will not resist Your Spirit moving in my life. No matter where I am or who I am with, I will respond to You. You are worth it. You are worthy of me dying to my pride. I surrender all over again. I love You. In Jesus name, Amen.
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:10
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22