Lately I’ve been feeling the weight of the Kingdom. Those times when I am walking out a hard, but blessed portion of my journey are the times when I feel this weight. It’s weird how the weightiness of God, feels so light. It’s a mystery. Something too wonderful for me to comprehend.
As I have been in PA spending a few days alone, preparing to finish packing this house and making our final exit, I have felt that weight.
At the same time, I have heard the Father instruct me to take a pause, and even though at times it has felt contrary to what I should rationally do, I have also felt the wait of the Kingdom.
Only in God’s Kingdom would forward progress need so much restraint and waiting. Much of the world and it’s thinking is centered around going and taking and making your own way, but in the Kingdom it’s more about restraint and giving Him time to make your way. This season is taking amounts of self- control (a fruit of the spirit) that I have never experienced before.
I can see how in times past I would’ve flailed around a lot in a season like this. I would’ve been like a car spinning its wheels, stuck in the mud. Flinging mud on everyone around me. Frustrating myself. Praying prayers full of fear instead of faith. I would’ve spent every waking moment scheming how it was all going to work out, only to be disappointed when it didn’t happen. Never realizing it was because I was trying to release my own power into the situation instead of leaning on His.
But this time it’s different.
This time, I know God in ways I didn’t before. I’ve always done the best that I know. Now I know a little better. This time when fear knocks on the door to my thoughts, I say “No”. Then instead of devising my plan, I thank God that He loves me and will work everything out.
We found a home we like, but since God instructed us to wait until the PA house sells before we make that decision, we are waiting. Now, we know we could get a contingency loan, but deep inside, I feel Him saying, “Remember what I told you to do.” I feel Him offering me the privilege of choosing to stay steady and not make our own way. Even Chris has been in full agreement of the waiting. This is an unusual and wonderful time for us. It truly is. A time when God is orchestrating something so special and wonderful that we refuse to step in and interrupt because we feel a reverence wrapped around this moment. Wrapped around this transition. We feel He is about to do something exceedingly abundantly more than we could ask or imagine.
We feel God in this moment.
Now to Him Who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Psalm 139:6