I was literally crawling into December 30, 2019….I had fought so many hard battles throughout the year, and I was so weary. God knew. I was completely honest with Him about it, and I felt fully released to grieve anything and everything that I felt had or was dying in my life. On Dec. 30th I wondered if I’d ever find a real space to lead worship regularly again. I wondered if I would fail at writing 365 more devotionals. In fact, the voice of resistance was so loud that I am fully convinced this year is going to be ground-breaking, to say the least. I knew I was hearing lies. I knew the truth. But the truth also was, I was worn out and weary with disappointment and resistance. That truth didn’t, however, replace the fact that I was created to be a pioneer. When God gently reminded me of that, suddenly all things came back into focus.
As I reflected on each word God has spoken over me throughout the years, I could literally feel myself moving from a laying down and feeling downtrodden position, to a standing and then running position. I kept having a vision of my hand holding 5 smooth stones. I heard God speak to my heart, “It’s time to stop grieving.” Suddenly, I was ready for battle again.
Friends, God doesn’t have one single problem with the fact that we are human and sometimes have broken moments. The problem occurs when we decide to either deny our struggle or stay downtrodden and defeated. Each has its own hazards.
What I have learned over time is, if I will completely and honestly, with pretention bring my full heart to God, then every single time He will give me exactly what I need.
I needed some time to grieve. It was a completely natural response. But I didn’t need to be left there. It was a beautiful exchange that occurred between Abba and me. On December 31, 2019, I woke up and felt lighter. I got out of bed and decided I would go to the track. I felt called to go, in fact. When I got there, it was cold, but definitely not too cold. I put in my headphones and began my run/walk. The first song I happened upon was a live version of “Ain’t no grave” by Molly Skaggs…..That’s all it took. As I circled the track, I sang that song at the top of my lungs and punched my fists at the air. I felt my heart remember what victory looks like. I started the song over again…. And suddenly I remembered that I lead heavenly worship every day. I could hear the angels joining my song…. I played the song again….. I felt drenched in purpose and ready to, not crawl, but run into the new year!
Friend, has life felt as if it’s beating on you? Have troubles and disappointments weighed you down? Do you feel lost to your dreams? Now is your stirring moment. Now is the time for you to rise and face today. After bringing your full pain to God, the next step of trust is listening to Him when He says it’s time to move on. Time to let go. This can be hard, but it’s so worth it. Rise up!! Live to fight another day!! Pick up your stones and boldly face your Goliath!! The victory is yours!!
In Him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of His glory. In Him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in Him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of His glory. For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His great might that He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And He put all things under His feet and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all. Ephesians 1:11-23