Today, I am going to really crack open my heart before you guys. Even as I type that, my hands feel warm and I see my heart breaking open and really thick oil is pouring out of it. Today, I break open my alabaster box.
On a side note: The thing I’m about to tell you isn’t something I’ve been hiding because of pride. No, God has had me holding it close as something sacred. Something to only be shared with specific people who would partner with my faith, not speak doubt over me. During the time I’ve been keeping this fairly quiet, I’ve learned a lot about following His leading and protecting my heart while He’s working the miracle out.
When God asked me to do another year of writing devotionals, I knew it was risky. I knew it probably meant I would walk out a lot over the year, what I didn’t know was less than a month later my husband and I would get laid off of work. In fact, as of the writing of this devotional, we are still laid off. Ouch, my heart hurts. Saying this to you is hard, but maybe not for the reasons you might think. It hurts because my faith muscle is so sore right now. I’ve been flexing it longer than I anticipated.
I still trust God completely though. We have seen His hand move and provide beyond measure. He has hemmed us in during this time in truly miraculous ways. Even the day I found out that being laid off was definite.
That day was a normal day, I wasn’t expecting any news. I was spending my day worshiping God and His presence was so tangible in my home. He spoke to me that I was to make a “We’re Getting Out of Debt” poster. This would have four columns representing our four debts…Two of which are homes. (We have a rental home in Conway. It was the first house we ever bought.) This seemed like an encouraging task and we enjoy being a family of little debt, so I was all about this! I went to the store and right after I unloaded the car with my supplies for the project, Chris called. He told me we were to be laid off in a couple of weeks. My heart sunk as I immediately thought of the poster I was supposed to make.
My soul said, “God!!! How could You be so cruel!” But my spirit said, “Wow, God You really worked hard to protect me and remind me of Your promise today.” So, I went ahead and made that poster and hung it in our closet. Now, frequently I will walk over to it and place my hand on it and thank God that we are getting debt free! I refuse to be controlled by my circumstances. I will be lead by the Spirit.
Today, I want you to think about your soul versus your spirit…..
The Bible say, “My spirit is willing, but my flesh is so weak”
What is your soul? It encompasses your mind, will and emotions. Your spirit is what God saved.
Never in my life have I had a season when I have so clearly felt the tug of war between my soul and spirit. I have literally had nights when I would awake and be in a vision, seeing my soul and I was in the fetal position crying out “Jesus! Jesus! Jesus” and then I would say, “Yes, soul I hear you and this is scary, but my spirit knows God has this. He hasn’t left and never will. Each time I would hear my soul crying out in despair, I would (and still do) acknowledge it, and then purposefully tell myself to follow my spirit.
This may sound strange to some of you but test it out. Search out scripture and listen to your own thoughts and feelings. You may be surprised. What the enemy thought would send me into despair, has actually strengthened me to a level that I honestly didn’t think was possible.
Prayer Moment: God, show me the difference between my soul and spirit. Teach me how to be spirit lead. Help me where I am weak and teach me how to resist the downward spiral of despair by remembering Who You are and what You’ve done in my life. I trust You. In Jesus name, Amen.
(Today’s scripture is a portion of our family Psalm)
Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes. They have scattered abroad their gifts to the poor, their righteousness endures forever; their horn will be lifted high in honor. Psalm 112:6-9