The Fountain Day 19: The Dark, Messy Place

There has been a lot going on in my heart lately.  God has been uprooting some things I thought were long ago dealt with.  Things I have received heart healing prayer over and have forgiven others for, again and again.  One day as I lamented to God about my feelings, I had this thought, and it hasn’t left me since…I feel like I’m in the dark, messy place. 

This phrase is from a children’s book that I once read to my babies.  It describes the way the Gardener plants a seed.  The seed is so scared and calls it the dark, messy place.  Eventually, the seed feels things changing inside of him and one day suddenly he pokes up through the ground.  Finally, he becomes a giant tree.  I feel like that seed right now.

When God needs to do deeper work in your heart, it can feel super messy.  That’s why many just avoid it, but I refuse to do so.  I know He is doing this out of love for me, so I will surrender to His process…again…back into that dark and messy place because He’s working on deeper parts of me.  This is what happens when you pray daily that God will move deeper within you.  I have been praying that prayer for months, as well as, asking to be deeper in His heart.

But with every move closer and deeper there is always a cost.  This time the cost is confronting some deep wounds and really deep patterns of behavior.  This is the intimate work of sanctification.  The refining.  We don’t just get saved and then that’s it.  On the contrary, salvation is step one in a lifelong process. 

Yes, some Christians get their fire insurance and call it good.  But who wants “just good enough” when you can have so much more?!  I want more…a lot more. 

So, I have resigned myself to being in the dark, messy place.  I’ve done this because I know the growth will be worth it in the end.  

Are you willing to be uncomfortable?  Are you willing to be planted again?  To develop new growth and discover deeper places in God’s heart?  If so, pray with me.

God, I surrender to whatever growing season You have planned for me.  I lay down my pride for the sake of a closer walk with You.  You are worth it all.  I invite You into my whole heart.  I won’t hide anything from You.  I give You full access to me.  Come and fill me.  Change me.  Transform me.  I belong to You.  I only ask one thing, take me deeper into Your heart too.  Show me secret things.  Speak to me and bring me close.  I love You so much.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Praise the Lord.  Praise the Lord, O my soul, I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.  Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save.  When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing.  Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them- the Lord, Who remains faithful forever.  He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry.  The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous.  The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but He frustrates the ways of the wicked.  The Lord reigns forever, your God, O Zion, for all generations.  Psalm 146