I know I’ve spoken to this before, but this season of brokenness is taking so much longer than I expected. The depth of brokenness is taking much longer to come to the surface than I ever dreamed. It takes a lot longer to really touch those deep and hidden places. This shouldn’t be a surprise, but it is.
Actually, I believe what is really happening is I am just now taking the time to do a deep dive into brokenness. I’ve received a lot of heart healing over the years, but the wounds from the last 3 or so years, have taken time reach.
I realized the other day that instead of allowing God into those hurts, I had tried to skip a step and just head on over to forgiveness. That doesn’t work. We can’t skip steps in the healing process. You can’t heal from what you won’t acknowledge.
Some of the events that had occurred over the last few years had been so surprising and abrupt that I had trouble even assessing what had happened. In fact, it was just this week that God revealed some more of the details to me. When those were revealed, that was the catalyst I needed to finally let out the true pain in my heart and invite Him inside.
Another factor that led me toward openness to this deeper healing was that I began to see how the pain had begun to hinder new relationships I’m trying to build. I had a great distrust in my heart. I had begun to expect people to talk about me behind my back, so I had trouble accepting kindness and compliments. I also feared rejection, so my mind kept trying to see rejection coming…it’s just that I have come to a place where I see when that’s happening, so I stop and readjust to trust.
Some of our wounds happen as children, but day to day life also brings wounding sometimes. It’s inevitable…the only question is are you willing to take that brokenness to God so you can be healed and grow?
God, come and heal my broken places. I trust You enough to show You my greatest places of pain. Come and clean out my wounds and fill me fresh with Your love. I belong to You. Thank You for caring about even the smallest details of my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Praise the Lord, all you nations; extol Him, all you peoples. For great is His love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord. Psalm 117
An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. Proverbs 12:25
365 Days in the Presence 