It’s the wee hours of the morning, and I am awake. Unable to sleep because of a burdened heart, yet determined to walk in peace, so I have come straight to the Father. There are things in life right now that are completely out of my control. I long to be able to step in and offer wisdom and direction, but the hearts involved are hardened right now and my love would fall like seed on the driest ground. Like seeds thrown out into the barren desert.
But I am the momma, aren’t I supposed to do something?
The fruit of my womb and my spirit is struggling, and I stand to the side unable to soften a place that was created to be softened by God alone. That place where each one must have their own encounter with the Creator, first for salvation and then for transformation and growth.
But I am the momma.
God, You placed them in my home to be nursed in the earliest days from my own body, and taught by my direction in the toddler years. Yes, I still teach them now, but it’s so different from the early days. While instruction is still in full swing, so is the season of “letting go”.
I am beginning to see that letting go happens in stages and I think that’s one reason it can feel so excruciating.
Restraint is a constant struggle. A willingness to let You draw them to You is necessary, but sometimes so very painful. These lives do not belong to me. They never did. They belong to the One Who created them. Their hearts cry out for Him. Their spirits long for Heaven. The fruit of my womb and my spirit belongs to Him.
As I sit before the Lord this morning and ask for Him to speak to me, I see myself in a large body of water. I am floating on my back and completely still. Then He speaks, “Be still”. I have come to Him expecting a revelation of some task I can begin to do that would make things better, as if it depends on me. Yet, His words ring through my heart and mind, “Be still”. I think to myself, surely this place I’ve found myself in is because I haven’t been a good enough mother and need to make some alterations to my daily ways…..yet His voice rings more clearly in my heart and mind, “Be still”.
Like a beacon in the night I see clearly now, that it’s not about me. I cannot walk out life for anyone else. Not my own children. Not my husband. Not my friends and family. I can only walk out my own life, and to do that well right now, I must…..”Be still”.
The only way to successfully float on your back in the water, is to be very still…..even though when I first tried to do that it seemed so unnatural. And there you have it, I am in the middle of a new phase of life and it makes so much sense that everything about it feels like discomfort and awkwardness, mixed with a whole bunch of grace.
This is also the season of fully realizing that other’s actions do not reflect my own walk with God. I don’t have to live with doubt or shame, because I am allowing those around me to grow and I am allowing them to walk out discomfort. I am choosing the path less traveled, but I know it is the right path. Life was never meant to be comfortable all the time. Growth is sometimes painful and always uncomfortable in one way or another.
This morning, I am once again letting go. I will continue to let go as He leads. No matter how many times I wake up white knuckled with doubt and fear, I will choose to once again let go. It’s not about me getting it “right” the first time and never having to struggle again. It’s about remaining willing to let go every time He leads me to do so.
Kingdom success isn’t based on perfection, it’s based on surrender and willingness.
Are there any parts of your life that God has been prompting you to let go? Have you struggled with wanting to control things? I encourage you right now to go before the Lord and ask Him to show you any area that you are walking out a spirit of control. Sometimes, we can be blissfully unaware that we are white knuckled controllers who are hindering the work of God in and around and through us. Sometimes we have a death grip on our family and friends and wonder why things are not going well. Sweet one, I pray if that’s you, God would open your eyes to it right now in Jesus name. If He does reveal this to you, please don’t feel condemned. Instead let a right conviction settle into your spirit as the Father begins to transform yet another glorious part of your heart and mind. This is the freedom you’ve been longing to have! Freedom to not be in control of things that you cannot control anyway. And freedom to let God be God and you be His. It’s a beautiful and right order to things.
God, You are God and I am not. Thank You for the beauty of release. Thank You for never letting me forget that peace is found in surrender and trust. You are Faithful. You are Truth. You define me. I love You. My life is Yours. My family is Yours. In Jesus name, Amen.
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; He protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Psalm 34:17-20
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
The Lord is righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made. Psalm 145:17
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1