Today, I was thinking about relationships and co-dependent personalities (as I am a recovering co-dependent haha)…..and I had this thought strike me like an arrow.
It’s hard for me to stand my ground or state my position if I don’t trust the other person to weather the storm of disagreement with me. Oftentimes, I am afraid to speak out and even defend myself because I don’t want to be abandoned by someone. I don’t want to lose the relationship. So, in an unhealthy act, I would lay down my idea or my position to appease another person.
But, I have discovered how terribly unhealthy this is, not only for me, but for the other person as well. Nobody benefits from thinking they are always right, or more important than all others. Additionally, nobody has much respect for a “people pleaser” either. No, usually pleasers are sucked dry by the more dominant personalities they interact with and later in a storm of bitter pent up anger they lash out and finally state their position, but by then it’s really too late for it to not cause a lot more damage than it would’ve if they’d just been honest from the start.
Here’s where I am with this, if a person in my life is so determined to be “right” that I am not allowed to have an opinion, then I probably don’t need them in my life anymore. Not in some dramatic “break up” scenario, but in a drawing back and letting go situation. Likewise, I need to find the courage to speak when I need to speak. I need to value myself enough to know my opinion and heart matter.
What I’m looking for in life and friendship are people who are committed to walking out life with me, and I with them. Someone who I can disagree with but remain loving towards. Relationships where neither of us is required to conform to the other, but rather we celebrate our differences and embrace our similarities. I don’t need you to be like me. I don’t want to be like you. I want to discover the strength of us each being ourselves.
In this world, as it is today, there is a fake freedom. People pretend to be open to other’s differences, but if we’re being honest, I think we would confess that’s largely untrue. People seem to be ok with you being you if they agree with it. That’s not freedom. In this world of social media relationships, we’ve developed a disconnect with real relationship. Instead, we’ve entered a world where friendships end with a click of the button, no heart needs to be involved. And certainly, no responsibility for how that “unfriend” click is received.
You may be asking yourself, “Why is she going on and on about this?”
Well, if our relationships on earth have become so fickle, then how can we even begin to walk out commitment with God?
If we are largely in relationships only because they benefit us and flatter us somehow, then how do we walk out character building?
We need to think about these things. Look around your life and ask, “Am I committed?” and “Do I only allow relationships in my life because they affirm me, alone?” “Am I adding anything to those around me, or only taking?”
These are tough questions, but necessary.
I have certain people in my life, whom I trust so much (because we’ve walked through many phases of life) that I expect them to stand up to me if I am headed in a wrong direction. I expect them to challenge me if they see me being led astray. I long for accountability. I long for relationships ripe with commitment on both sides. Don’t you?
There was a season of my life when God showed me He wanted to have influence in who I became friends with, and ever since then I have committed all my relationships to Him. This has led to some great friendships and a lot of growth. It has also led me to being willing to walk away from potential relationships (even if I really want them) because He says, “No”. I encourage you today, invite God into your friendships and ask Him to show you where to commit. Once He does, follow His lead and let Him build character in you through walking out life with the people He’s drawn to you. Likewise, be willing to let unhealthy relationships go. They can crowd out the good work He’s trying to do inside of you.
God, I surrender all my life to You, this includes my friendships. Lord, remove any friendship from my life that isn’t supposed to be, and bless all relationships that You have intended for me to have and maintain. I surrender myself to Your growth process. Teach me to walk out commitment. I long to be more like You, in Jesus name, amen.
But this is what I commanded them, saying, ‘Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and you will be My people; and you will walk in all the ways which I command you, that it may be well with you. Jeremiah 7:23
Whether it is pleasant or unpleasant, we will listen to the voice of the Lord our God to Whom we are sending you, so that it may go well with us when we listen to the voice of the Lord our God. Jeremiah 42:6
But your hearts must be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by His decrees and obey His commands, as at this time. 1 Kings 8:61