Lately, a lot of my thoughts have been yearning for days past. That’s so unusual because I don’t normally live in the past, but right now I miss the innocence that seemed to exist in the world when I was younger.
When I was a child we were “proud to be Americans”, so proud that they had a song written and we all learned it at school and sang it together. Products proudly boasted the “made in America” tag on them. Those were good days. I’m still not sure how we got to where we are now. I am still proud to be an American and I still recognize that the world benefits when our country is stabilized. That’s part of our function in the world. We are a refuge, but somewhere along the line it got taken advantage of and nobody knew how to properly set it right.
I also miss the days when Chris felt really successful in his work. Sure, I miss the money, but what I miss the most is the way he carried himself in those days. He felt so good about himself and it showed. He loved to shower us with fun and has always been an extravagant gift giver. I loved those days.
When Chris was younger in his business and saw one success after another, it was a generational curse breaking momentum that I felt. He had been raised in poverty and by God’s grace had found a way out. His legacy is new. He gives his children a legacy of excellence. I can honestly say that even now, as he works a job that he doesn’t really want to work, he brings that same excellence, but his spirit is a bit low. My spirit is a bit low watching him feel that way.
But then I realized that God was having me reflect, not to torture me, but to remind me that things were once very different. It was a promise. He was promising me that things would change again. That life won’t always be this way. He had to have me look back in order to remember what could be again. It had been so long that I had started to forget what it felt like. Now I am so thankful when I have the memories and I meet them with, “Yes Lord! Thank You and do it again.”
I came across this scripture and I wanted to share it with you because if I’m struggling with feeling this way, I’m sure that I’m not alone and maybe you could use the same encouragement that I was needing.
O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in Your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Do not bring Your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before You. The enemy pursues me, he crushed me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all Your works and consider what Your hands have done. I spread out my hands to You; my soul thirsts for You like a parched land. Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide Your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in You. Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God; may Your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For Your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in Your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In Your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am Your servant. Psalm 143
365 Days in the Presence 